It's Not About Faith...

....it's about trust. John Boy jokes with me about this saying. It's a well placed line in "Team America". But, Mis-
Adventure got that little mass of grey matter going today and I wondered, is it? All about one vs. the other?

The line, in context, is funny. But, taken on it's own, I wonder. When placed in the realm of relationships, be they friends, lovers or just acquaintances, what is it?

In youth, we lay our unfettered trust in those around us. We assume, in our innocence that our parents are trustworthy and we have faith in certain consistencies. Until those harmonies are violated. Depending on the act, simple slip of the tongue to the most egregious of violations, abuse, infidelity, lying, and our age at the time of perpetration, we create boundaries in our psyche as to the realm and capacity of human relationships. We form the ways in which we will relate to others. Some violations deserve more weight than others. And sometimes, we are unable to mend those violations in our hearts. We loose faith and trust in our fellow man. We apply the misgivings of one to everyone. "If he can do it, well, everyone will/can."

When trust is violated, infringed, traduced, we lose faith in the defiant. And so we should. Yet, when we arbitrarily and capriciously apply the same standard to those amongst us, then, do we not find ourselves in just the faithless mire that our adversary would desire? One perpetrates the violation, we become the perpetrator, not the perpetrated. We are the proverbial pot. We apply uniform distrust. Sometimes even becoming untrustworthy ourselves in journey. A projection of what we expect in return. Our world falls into step, filling our expectations. "If you think the way you always thought, you always get, what you always got." (Read it again, it took me 15 years to truly understand it.)

From such positions, should we not allow a level playing field? Level the playing field to allow equal ground. Or should we? Once bitten, twice shy. We are apprehensive, that the faith extinguisher is the chameleon we cannot see. The quick change con artist that has smoothly stroked our misguided trust in the past. And we justly have qualms, suspicions. Our predication set forth by past indiscretion.

Forgive, you say! Forgive and forget....well, perhaps. But, remember those presentiments. The silver tongue has soothed and caressed our expectations before and the sharp blade of their duplicitous actions has cut us. In some cases, mortally wounded our faith. Progressivism and, yes, hope, faith, and trust itself, depend on a belief that personal conversion and social change are possible, that flawed human beings are capable of transcending their pasts and their failings. So it is that we struggle just to forgive, lest we forget. In which case, MisAdventure concedes, it is the only coping and defense that you have. To forgive but not forget. You are correct. You are, right.

A short time ago, in the realm of being human and therefore imperfect, I placed a little to much faith in a relationship and the result was a loss of trust. Justly earned, a compilation of acts, over time, culminating in justly earned anger and a loss of trust. I tripped and made the faux pas, multiple faux pas, and thinking that I was blanketed with anonymity in the final blow, I went on my merry little way. Except that, perceptive people are not so stupid. As I oft repeat to the Offspring,"I'm not as think as you dumb I am." I was discovered, with my back turned, hand thrust eagerly into the cookie jar as the keeper stood in the door behind me and watched me giggle with glee thinking that I was "getting away with it".

Well, not so much. I have feverishly tried to rectify the situation, to no avail. And in the interim have discovered that the cookies, the perceived satisfaction, was not worth the moment. I was duly under the impression that a contrite and sincere apology was sufficient. Perhaps not. I find myself working to gain the trust of one back. I wonder, how does one do that? How does one appeal to the violated? I was, am, is, were.... wrong. I repeatedly screw up windows of opportunity. My dear friend, can you, are you willing, to help me build a bridge? Would you consider setting aside those hard feelings, even momentarily and allowing me a second chance? Can we....play ball?

As I type furiously, it is noted, that in all likelihood, I have painted myself into a corner. I am being somewhat of "pansy" about this. Lacking a backbone (I admit it, I'm yellow). Standing hidden in the wings, poking at the feral feline and then running to escape the inevitable result. Surprised when I don't get the desired result. But, I should try, shouldn't I? Put forth the effort? I just don't know how. Perhaps, not only have I donned the inappropriate gear, the gauntlet will remain as it were and the violated one will be totally unaware that I have even ask for the opportunity. Perhaps, my own faith and trust are misguided. Yes, MisAdventure fucked up, I should bow and leave the Colosseum or risk.... "thumbs down".

But, undaunted, I remain at the ready. Lesson learned, as it were. Hoping that, as Captain Hook so distinguishably points out to Peter in Neverland, I to, will have, "Good Form, Peter. Good Form." I will not give up.