Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Tribute

I am a slave to social pressure, thus my habitual presence on a cardio machine most weekday mornings. A ritual that includes mindless observance of infotainment.  Specifically, the Today Show on NBC. For those of you who know me “in real life”, I admit my traitorous behavior, but, you’ll get over it.

I watch, infotainment,  because there isn’t anything that requires my attention, per se. I don’t even plug my headphones in to hear the audio. I sporadically watch the closed captioning and absorb what’s going on around the world. Today, I was caught in a surreal moment of recognition. A familiar face graced the screen. I smiled when I noticed it, remembering my connection with the individual and his family from my past. And then I read the caption. He died. He died of a cancerous brain tumor. Wait, he died?

I stopped, staring at the screen. I held the side-bars of the machine. It was a one of those cliché book moments. My breath caught in my throat, a lump formed, I felt a strange cold rush…you know the line. I panicked for one brief moment, frozen and unable to move as the machine beeped incessantly at me. What do I do? I looked back toward the screen, his image was gone. How could a news report be so callous, do they not understand the impact, the influence this man had on television and movies? He's special, amazing, kind, talented...damn it, you don't just move on to the next story! Where did he go?
I wanted to call someone, I need to call someone. The next person to come to mind was his beautiful daughter. But, I haven’t seen or talk to her in 15 years. I can’t call her. As my breathing quickened, I realized I was standing in a crowded room, sweating with tears running down my face. Ridiculous.  The fool I must look. So, I called the pseudonymous hubby and sought out an obscure corner. I think I just needed to tell someone. Someone who knew and understood the past connection, a brief conversation as hubby tells me he’s so sorry but, of course, he can’t talk, he’s in a meeting.  He'll try to find someone he knows to help contact the family. Right now he has to run, "Love you", he says. What do I do? How do I tell this beautiful passed soul's family how very sorry I am?
The reality, I don't know how. So I’ll do the only other thing I know to do. I'll do this. I’ll write. However banal and dry, however awkward and poorly expressed, this will be my condolence to them. My eulogy, of sorts, to him. My, way to, grieve? I can't write or express anything as well or as beautifully as he could, as his daughters can. Although, my only connection in 15 years has been the internet, and the New York Times society page, I will write and put it into the ether. Given the abilities of Google and modern technology,  I know what the girls are doing. They are married. They look happy and successful and certainly the pride of both their parents. I’ve watched all of this through news and television. I’ve cheered at their successes and I cried for them this morning. This can't be real, can it. People like him, wonderful, amazing people like him, they all live to ripe old ages. We don't hear about their deaths at 68. Sixty eight, he's younger than my Dad. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/24/gary-david-goldberg-dead_n_3488463.html And, let's be honest, it's strange, the "connection" we perceive having seen something on the internet, or on television. We don't REALLY know that person. I did, a long time ago. But, not now. Not really.
And Cailin; kind, soulful, lovely, grounded. I remember a beautiful girl who knew only kindness to everyone around her. A beautiful soul who grew up in privilege, a fairy tale life, and yet only knew how to be the most genuine, happy, kind, giving person I ever chanced to meet. A girl, woman, a lovely, honest soul whose gift is to eloquently capture in words the emotions, the events of life that we all see, every day, and cannot express. She is, just like her Dad a talented writer, whose face lights up with his smile and the crinkly eyes. She is everything her Dad raised her to be. Amazing. He loved his girls. He taught his girls how to love. She is, a girl who relished her time with her family and valued the most important things in life, beautiful memories. Christmas with a house full of crazy cousins. Skiing at midnight on New Year’s with pots and pans in sub-temperatures. Her Dad making toast and eggs for breakfast, claiming it was all he knew how to cook. Wearing his funny leather Russian hat on cold days… And I was privileged enough to be included in some of that. Now? What now?
My love to you Miss Cailin Goldberg-Meehan. I raise my glass in honor of the beautiful soul who was your Dad. If you are still who I remember, then your heart is heavy today. Your heart has been heavy for some time, I am sure. A small part of it will forever be broken. But, in time, I know I will see the honor you and Shana will give his legacy. As I read, and re-read this post, it is so inadequate. So small. So insignificant for what I think and feel and for who Gary was. But, it is my buried tribute. I can hear his laugh......

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Authentic Authority

We all love to think that we know what is best. For everybody, everything and every situation that arises. Your neighbor's kid has an issue, they should just ...(The dot, dot, dot, is deliberate.) Your sister has this issue. Well, she should just ... That guy in the grocery store is 150+ pounds overweight, he should just ... Candidate #1 (R) is running for office. The (R) or the (D) obviously make them more qualified than (C), right? Of course! Because why? Because, YOU KNOW. You, are the authority on it all. Duh, welcome to the United States, moron. Greece, Spain, Italy...shit, the whole of Europe has a crisis. And we know how to fix it? Okay, when in hell did the population get so damn smart? (If you haven't caught up to speed yet, PAY ATTENTION, facetiousness abounds dumb-ass)

What is it with this country? Oh, and don't try to tell me you aren't like that. Yes, you are. Hell, I, am like that. And, quite frankly, I know next to nothing. (I'm serious about knowing next to nothing). When did Americans decide that we were so much better than everyone else? When did we become entitled to EVERYTHING simply by our existence? And when did (R) or (D) dictate whether you and I can have a civil conversation about the realities of government? I'm not sure what the answers are, but, I can tell you, I have had it with hypocritical experts. The hypo-critical, the hypocrites and the experts. And I'm really fed up with all of them telling me 1) that I'm doing it wrong 2) how to do it 3) assuming they have all the answers 4) assuming they have the best answers.

If this all seems to have come about very suddenly, it hasn't. It's just been latent for the last five or six years. Each of the birthdays that I have celebrated in the last six or so years has, strangely, drained me of certain aspects of, what shall we call it? A "give-a-shit" cell in areas of my life. Think of it as similar to Jay-Z's song Off That. There are things in life that I was positive I was supposed to be passionate about when I was younger. And now? It requires far to much effort anymore. Now, a return to the plethora of authority that we have been so generously steeped with in this country.

My most recent encounters with applications to varying private schools in the greater city area gets my panties into a twist. I feel like, even with enough money, my choices are limited to the scrutiny of others. Public education is in dire straights. In a word, it sucks. Private school is great, but only if you can pay for it and if you pass their litmus test. Either way, I'm screwed and so are my kids. I don't fit into the mold, I don't fulfill the checklist, I. Am. W.R.O.N.G. Never could seem to get the right answer anyhow. So, onward and upward with our home school adventures. I never thought I would be learning trigonometry, but a  girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. You be right, I'll be wrong and I'll try be okay with all your stellar advice and authority. Or, I'll do what I'm really good at, ignoring you.


Thursday, May 23, 2013

Delusions

I had such visions when I posted a couple of weeks ago. I had so many things swirling in my head I thought for sure I would spew forth all things useless on a daily basis. Okay, so I was a little presumptuous.

My life is quite literally consumed by five of the most beautiful people on the planet. Pseudonymous of course. Who, currently, is working on the biggest release that Disney has ever put out in the games market. He is, a stressed mess. Can't tell you what a party THAT little black rain cloud is. But, if you are so inclined, you can check it all out on the World Wide Web....just do a little Google-ing  I know you are all capable. Google "Disney Infinity". Needless to say, in spite of  his inspiring (cue eye-roll, perfunctory clearing of throat) attitude, gOD knows I am kind of proud of him.

Then, there are the Offspring. Buck-buck #1 is working at the Wave this summer. As a lifeguard. I am, less, than thrilled. But, it's a job. I guess. There is not enough time in the world to re-visit any opinion on that. Just gift me with the obligatory gasp of shock that he is, yes, THAT OLD! Which makes me? (Oh, shut it!!)

Buck-buck #2 is still his quintessential self. Does anyone recall "Scuba Steve?" That's still him. What more can I say?

Okay, so, there's your re-cap. Now, to decide what is appropriate, and, perhaps NOT, so inappropriate to publish. It's what has, so far, kept me from putting it out there into the ether. There are curious, ignorant eyes every where. I'll keep composing and see what surfaces.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Dusting Off Ideas

I was convinced at a younger age that if I stood in front of a library bookshelf long enough, THE life changing book would leap off the shelves into my hand and it would magically spin my world into the "if" positives. 25 years later, I'm not magically smarter, prettier, more lilting or debonair.

That elusive book? I may have found it. If I die tomorrow, I would list "The Elegance of the Hedgehog" as THE life changing book, so far. I was also convinced, like most adolescence, that my life would unfold in a particular fashion, just as it did in the pages of my favorite books. So far, it hasn't. Most of what I idolized has let me down and the rest? Surprised me. It took me 30 years to "get over" aspects of my life that I mis-perceived, the same 30 years to discover the confidence I once had and a small group of amazing people to drag me kicking and screaming to where I am thus far.

I was under some delusion that I was afraid of nothing. Really? I was just afraid of the wrong things. Those of you who have peeked in through the years know that, here, in my reality, everyone gets renamed for various reasons. My 5 avengers? GI Jane, The Blond Wonder Woman (here to fore BWW, Red and My Lovely. Of course there is the pseudonymous hubby, but that's a given. Keep your eyes peeled for future adventures involving my adventurers. As always, it is a mis-adventure in the making.

And,so, I'm back. In a way. I let the place collect dust for a while. Then, by happen stance I traveled through my junk box recently to discover a post that some random computer had attempted to leave and wondered about my little bubble in the world. I suppose the most interesting aspect was that, occasionally, people still wander here. And I've not posted in two years. I have no more time than I did years ago, less, in fact. But here I am with a renewed enthusiasm to share what no one, in reality, thought they ever wanted to know about my life, and what you, out there, are strangely, oddly, compelled to read. Have at it!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Oddities and Buckets

As I made vain attempts to hold my lunch down last night as the plane touched down at Salt Lake International, I watched the city skyline with disappointment. I was returning from the city that never sleeps. The city that boasts "affordable" rents higher than my mortgage. And, among other positive notes, fewer religious radicals.

Ahh, the harsh truth. I've just spent the better part of a week in the heart beat of America to be apart of a choir that sang with the New York Chamber Orchestra in Carnegie Hall, (a bucket list experience I didn't know I needed to check) and what am I lamenting? Religious idiots. I said it, you read it.

It's disturbing at my age that there is a significant portion of the adult population in my surrounding world that subscribes, without critical question, to a 3000 year old text with no reason for proof, as a brick bat of stupidity. A grown up world that uses it's religion to justify much the suffering in this world. Endorse it even.

I think I'll be returning to my bubble. It's a happy place. And given that I can't say what I REALLY think, (because it's "offensive", notice the exaggerated finger motion for air quotations.) going back to my deliberate ignorance of my surroundings is the best I can hope for. Religion is the opiate of the masses. Good 'ol Mr. Marx. The convenience of crisis.

I live...in the twilight zone. (exaggerated, perfunctory sigh.)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Hyp-ocrisy

It is chic and socially popular in this state to be a very blue, conservative, right wing republican. And a lot of people will give you a litany of supposed but illogically derived reasons why this is a smart idea.

I'm tired and frustrated with political parties, but more so with anti-intellectual, right wing conservative Republicans. I've posted the definition of republican here at my MisAdventure, in the past, but I don't think people "get it." And it leads me to fits of rage when trying to maintain civility with many of my neighbors. Have we not exercised our right to an educated and informed idea? Hmm, no, we have not.

The moronic hypocrisy around me is driving me to drink, not that it's a bad thing to consume a little alcohol. It has been medically proven to help reduce the risk of heart disease, but that isn't what we are discussing, we are discussing what the definition of republican is and the fact that no one in this damn state that I live in understands that definition.

re·pub·li·can   /rɪˈpʌblɪkən/ Show Spelled[ri-puhb-li-kuhn] Show IPA
–adjective
1.of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a republic.
2.favoring a republic.
3.fitting or appropriate for the citizen of a republic: a very republican notion.
4.(initial capital letter) of or pertaining to the Republican party.
–noun
5.a person who favors a republican form of government.
6.(initial capital letter) a member of the Republican party.

Someone who favors a republic; an anti-monarchist; Someone who favors social equality and opposes aristocracy and privilege; Of or belonging to a republic; Favouring a republic.


Read that last bit again, "someone who favors social equality and opposes aristocracy and privilege"

Last time I checked, the ignorant mass that surrounds me, fighting to virulently for the republican party, believes that we should not allow equality of ANYTHING!! They espouse limited government, limited spending (things I endorse), but they want the ultimate hand in all things that happen behind closed doors, on private property. No equality of marriage, no science education, no right to reproductive health (anti-abortion, anti-birth control), no access to true information (the state of Texas wants to rewrite our history text books to exclude all things democrat (Ted Kennedy) and include all things perceived republican (Newt Gingrich), and last but certainly not least, in my state they want to dictate what you drink, favor all who are white, affluent and of the dominant religion, and they want to tell you who to marry and lead all history with a Christian twist. Somehow that screams of a white, religious, elitist, aristocracy.

People, this country was NOT founded by a group of radical Christians. No, those Puritans may have been religious, but they were not right and they were not accepting. Oh, and they weren't called "puritans", until the 17th century. The white elitists who wrote the Constitution were NOT, I repeat, were NOT right wing, evangelical Christian. They were, deist, agnostic, Unitarian and much more. You will notice that they DELIBERATELY left gOD out of the Constitution!

Get off the fucking Christian high horse, get a real education and stop with the hypocrisy. I am so sick and tired of the Christian world trying to lead me around by the nose as if I'm to stupid to think for myself. That guy you all worship named Jesus, would be ASHAMED of your behavior in his name.

Republican does not equal Christian. And it doesn't make you RIGHT. Take your oxymoronic "religious tolerance", and put it where the good sun don't shine.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Classy

Classy is not a word that I, or anyone else for that matter would associate with yours truly.

I rarely get out of my sweats, I swear like a sailor, I watch all media inappropriate and yet, today as I left the hall for home, (I would call it church, but it isn't, really) the Ninja Dude said, "Good day to you classy lady."

When I told him that no one had EVER referred to me with such an adjective for the reasons listed above he responded, "Okay, good day to Fucking classy lady."

I giggled all the way home.