Monday, November 9, 2009

The "Happiest Place on Earth"

An observation in the follies of American parenting. Let's face it, we have no idea what we are doing when it comes to bringing up baby. And it seems the more confident we are, the more we are blundering it.

I know I'm blundering it. I KNOW I'm fucking up my children. And the more experts I consult, the more confused I am. I think my new approach is going to be akin to John Gottman's speech on a good marriage, he's researched marriage for 25 years at the University of Washington and he can't tell you what makes a good marriage, but he can tell you what will ruin one. In 5 seconds in some cases.

I can't tell you what good parenting is, but I can tell you, with fair confidence what will be the demise of your child. And the "happiest place on earth" is a fantastic observation field. It's prime with thousands of kids and parents everyday in an environment that should be ripe with happy people. They are on vacation, in an amusement park directed specifically at kids. And it's one melt down after another. The only difference between the kids and the parents? The melt down point. Most parents last minutely longer than their children before they have the melt down. This is the moment when they use their age and size over their children to exact what they believe is the best behavior, and the goal always has something to do with what the parents wants and needs. It is, after all, all about the parent.

We are a selfish lot. And for all the research and REAL science into the world of human development we cling, pitifully, to the junk and pseudoscience of raising kids. I know what works for myself, being that I'm human, in any given situation and that is, empathy and respect. And being that my child is a small, immature,developing human, it would logically seem that my job as the more mature of our little party, would be to try and convey empathy and respect for my child's feelings at all times.

Let's be real, I fail miserably at this concept, but I try. And so far, as well as pissing off most everyone around me (they are all still convinced that we are dogs and the world of "child training" involves meat and bell) with my parenting practices, we seem to be turning out some okay Offspring. Not perfect but, bearable. I have actual, peer reviewed research to back me up too. (On the practice, not the kids)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Tact-less

A tidbit of earth shattering news, I'm opinionated. I know you're shocked, pick your jaw up off the floor you'll recover. I was informed of this small fact this morning by the pseudonymous hubby. I love the man dearly, but he tends to be a little, blunt. And in his stellar delivery, he managed to make me sound, well, like an immature, heartless, bitch with NO empathy, intelligence or understanding.

Bad morning.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Perception

What do you think of......fill in the blank. Chance are what you think of something is not the actual reality of that thought. Neurologically we can only believe how our brain perceives reality. What this boils down to, is that our world is only a reality for us. What is true for YOU is NOT true for me. No matter how you try to arrange the principles, thoughts and ideas of the thing. It will only, ever be YOUR reality.

If religion works for you, good. You understand that it can only work for you. It will only work for you in the way you perceive that it should. It will be different for you than it will be for your friends, family and neighbors. Even if you prescribe to the same philosophical thought. It can and only ever will be YOUR reality.

In many philosophies and religions the way the universe appears is based on the way that you perceive it. In such a system you must first have faith in the unseen conclusion in order to see the evidence supporting the conclusion.

Working with science we work from the opposite assumption. We assume that the rules we seek are independent of the observers mental reference. In other words we assume the rules exist whether the observer believes in them or not. The belief does not change the universal rules we set out to discover. What we believe is not going to change the universe.

If you believe that the probability of idea A is rock solid, then the idea of not A is zero. Believing it doesn't make it so. If the authority tells you that is, it doesn't make it so. And having faith in it only proves your faith in the authority. It makes your reality more probable but it doesn't make the universe respond in kind.

You may believe that praying for rain to fall will make it so, but investing time those efforts won't necessarily bring about the rain. The efforts you expend also mean that you may impact your life adversely by neglecting your garden, your spouse and your children. Sacrificing children won't bring any discernible effect on the weather, but it may impact your future if that child is a genius that could significantly impact humanity. In which case your superstition directly impacts the future of the world. A leap? Perhaps, but it illustrates my point.

What you believe determines your reality and it determines how you chose to act or react upon your reality. That, in turn impacts everyone around you. When we began the adventure of building a house, in the back of my pea brain, I knew, intellectually that my surroundings would impact my world. So be it, it couldn't possibly be THAT bad. My neighbors prescribe to a belief system. And they believe that following this system is fool proof. In recent years they have been urged by the authority to be more accepting of the man, but only to his face, not behind closed doors. There is a problem with this. Human behavior is notoriously see through. Being nice to me when you see me, doesn't mean that I am blind to what you are really projecting. Actions really do speak louder than words. I perceived that if I was a kind, conscientious person, belief systems wouldn't get in the way. Alright, I was wrong.

I reached my breaking point this holiday weekend. Ulterior motives have finally gotten the better of me. I'm not a stupid human being. I'm not sporting the highest I.Q. but being average doesn't prevent me from understanding some of what I observe. Choosing to see it in a different way, doesn't change the universal reality. My neighbors, are VERY wary of me. I've met a number of them. I know their names, where they live and even, in some cases, how many children they have. I am but ONE new individual in their neighborhood. They are many. But it seems that I can only remember them, they never remember who I am. It makes for many an awkward moment when I greet them on the street, in the grocery store or at a neighborhood get together. The perception that I have, right or wrong, is that I'm not worth getting to know because I'm not of the majority persuasion. They perceive me as not worth the effort because I participate in activities that they find sinful. I'm expected to dutifully ascribe to any and all behavior that they approve of, I'm expected to have the utmost respect of their beliefs and sensitivities, but that effort is not given in return. In fact I'm sensing that it's more of an effort to avoid me. I might be contagious. Although, I'm not supposed to read to much into it. I'm not supposed to be offended, I'm not supposed to, I'm not supposed to, I'm not supposed to.

I love my new house and my new location. I'm D-O-N-E done, with the neighbors. Oh, and I'm done trying to be less offensive. You're invited for coffee before four, and drinks after five. Oh, and I don't give a shit if you don't drink either, and I'm sick and fucking tired of you announcing it. I'm your new neighbor, I'm a deist, I drink and I believe in rational thought. I'm a skeptic and I believe in educating myself. Come over anytime.