Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Being Grown-Up?

Are you, pop-u-lar? Recently I've just feel old, but, it has put me in that retros-
pective mode. I was not popular in high school. And being that that is all that high school is, one big pecking order contest, it was a completely miserable experience for me. Unfortunately, some of us take longer to recover from the impact.

Almost 20 years later you'd think I'd be OVER it. Well, except for the small fact that in that 20 years I have gained and lost 3 very close friends. And not because they moved or died. Plain and simple, because they didn't like me. It hurts when someone decides they don't like you. Whatever the reason. We all have a desire to be liked, to be....popular. It begins somewhere in infancy and explodes with fervor when we begin kindergarten. Public school pecking order. Lord of the Flies. The Plastics. Call it what you will. And the little bastards that are "popular" in kindergarten are the same individuals who rule the roost in high school. And the rest of us either deal with it or we don't. I didn't.

After having another friend "dump" me, I began to wonder why the hell I still cared. I'm certainly not in high school. I've got nothing in this world to prove and yet, I get that same feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realize that the reason someone I called a friend isn't returning my calls, my emails or my invites, is because, plain and simple, they don't like me. I bother them. I grate on their nerves. And I find myself going back to that time when I wished I was popular. I wished to be skinnier, prettier, perkier, smarter, richer, better.

Why torture myself? I have a plethora of wonderful, amazing friends. Some I've never met in real life,[ Ms. Brown I hope you read that ;)]. Yet, I do torture myself. What's wrong with me? Was I to pushy, to forward, to crass? And then it dawned on me, maybe there was lesson here that God is trying to thump through my thick skull and until I get it,the scenario will continue to repeat itself. Now, if God would just be so kind as to spell it out for me so that I could record said lesson and move on, I would be greatly appreciative. I'm obviously a S-L-O-W learner and I need a little clarification on this one.

To all of you out there that I call friend, thank you. You will never know how very important to me you are. And how hard I try to stay "popular" with each and every one of you. Kudos my friend, now I must find my coffee.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Are You Christian?

This is an issue of late. Especially in my world. I am imbued in a culture, sometimes by choice, that is currently in the national spotlight. Good 'ol Boy, Mitt Romney, is soliciting the Republican party for the exclusive invitation to run on the Republican ticket in November for the position of Chief Executive. He's seems like a nice enough guy. I even agree with him on some political issues. Others, well, not so much. But then, I tend to disagree with most politicians when they could possibly try and legislate morality.

The U.S. is fascinated by this guy, although not because he is running for the highest office in the land. It's because he's Mormon. Why this is an issue, I struggle to understand. Kennedy was a Catholic and that was controversial, yeah, I know. And almost every president since Washington had some sort of religious conviction. So? Why do we care? What I am struggling to understand is, just that, why we care?

The evangelical right has it's panties in a twist because according to them, Mormons aren't Christian. Stephen A. Douglas accused Lincoln of having no religion, which contributed to his almost loosing the election. Kennedy was Catholic and somehow this would impact his leadership ability. Somewhere in our history we are under the distinct impression that the founding fathers were Christian and that their religious convictions are what spiritually led them in composing the The Constitution and The Bill of Rights. Well, no. The majority of them were not Christian. Spiritually led, perhaps. Led by a religious conviction, sure. But only to make sure that the the Constitution was not written in a "majority favor". They wanted to avoid any religious majority, any heavy leanings one way or the other. They didn't want to be like England.

So, being that one's religious convictions lead them to make decisions in one manor or another, it would seem logical that we would care about one's religion. But whether or not they are Christian? Please. So, again I ask, why do YOU care? For most it seems to come down to semantics. How we, you, I, define what is Christianity. Complicated, perhaps. Wavering vastly on the definitive chart, you bet. And the semantics may not seem all important if we can find commonalities in our differing definitions, except that it may lead us to weaken the integrity of history.

Yet, I still wonder. Although we can argue the day long what the precise definition of Christian is, whether or not the Mormon religion fits the definition and so on, I still don't see how this impacts the ability of one man to hold the office of the President. I also have yet to have someone answer my question. I know why I care or don't care. It impacts the universe in precisely no way. Your opinion, would do the same, impact nothing. But, we still want to know and understand, why do YOU care. Not WHY do you care,(as in why the hell do you care about gay marriage) why do YOU care? (as in what makes it important for you personally) And yes, damn it, there is a difference! Just as there is a difference in "The Panda eats shoots and leaves" and "The Panda eats, shoots and leaves". The comma makes all the difference!!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

A Secret

I have a secret. Only people who know and love me (and that takes some serious patience, let me tell you!) have knowlege of my secret. Actually, even some of THEM, don't know.

And if you dug through the posts to find this little gem, you're all the more, "in the know". So, here it is. I like to sing. A lot. And, I recently started taking voice lessions again. That's my secret. We'll see who notices.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

A Primal Need

When you get suckered by the world, your instinct is to throttle the source of the agitator and move on. While not in anyway Christ like, it fills a primal need in ones core being. Curiously, we sometimes fall for the sucker more than once. In which case, in hindsight, we want to kick ourselves. The old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

So what is it in us that allows the con artists of the world to sucker us? Repeatedly? Faith in humanity? Perhaps. But, today, I just want to justify throttling. I tried the "What Would Jesus Do"...Yeah,bag that shit. A good screaming match would make me feel right nice! Lots of profanity and maybe a large dose of humiliation. I'm tired of being all nice! I'm tired of getting fucked over and not getting so much as a humble "I'm sorry!" I've been kicked to many times for the effort. Today, I've been had. I feel like an ass and I want to throttle the fucking agitator before they do it again to someone I care about.

Note taken, lesson learned. Don't stick your neck out for people. Don't SACRIFICE for some in the world.....I hate that word today. I hate self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish human beings who take advantage of everyone around them at the expense of the rest of us and then try and vomit it all back in our faces like they're victims. The world does not owe these people anything! And I fell for the sob story again. Paint my face with a great big ASS. You can include the ears if you like!

Sunday, November 4, 2007

What We Are

I'm fascinated by human behavior. It's origins, outcomes, causes and correlations. I can spend countless hours discussing certain topics for the sheer interest in WHY we behave the way we do. Religion, politics, careers, habits, choices, beliefs. Why do we believe the way we do? Or doubt, or not. Why do we vote the way we do? What is that we hope to accomplish? Why are we religious? Why do we care if our neighbor is? Why do we care what our neighbor does? Especially if there is no impact on our being and living in this world? What leads us to do what we do? Career wise, in partner choices, or in our decision to have children?

I recently posed a question,(WHY are you Christian?) to some of the Evangelical Christian world that I hoped would shed some light on why people think the way they do. I'm pretty sure that the intent of my question was completely lost on the audience. That's the trouble with our technological age, it is difficult to convey in words what can only be expressed in tone and gesture. I'm afraid I didn't get much a response. Oh well. My hope is that, here, it will be a different result as question WHY?

Now, while all of the above questions are of great interest to me in a particular way, you may be reading this and wondering yourself, Why? What point am I trying to get to? It is simply this, I had a conversation with a little blue bird recently and they told me that a mutual loved one had made a major decision in their lives in relation to a projected pathway. The decision made by this person was, to say the least, surprising. But, what struck me, was the plea from this individual, on their "facebook" page, that they hoped they were not letting anyone down or disappointing them. Them, I assume includes myself and my little bird. And I wondered why my beautiful friend would be worried whether they disappointed any of us. Their decision impacts the rest of us in no way. If they feel led in another direction, I may wonder why, but they certainly have let me down in no way. In fact, my friend I admire your courage. And I hope only that the desires put in your heart by God will be pursued again at a later date. For that is what God does, God instills the desire. Sometimes we just need to take a minor detour. But the intent can not be ignored, God put it there to be with us in our hearts. That's why we call them life long dreams.....

This was a major decision in this individuals life, but was not destructive or self deprecating to their survival. Which brings us again to why we care what others think and believe. In the above case it was the sense of let down, and in the case of another loved one, again, it is the perceived disappointment that may be experienced by those around them. But, why would I love them any less? Disappointed? Perhaps. A reason to abandon my love and devotion to such an individual, not in the least. Their actions were, and could continue to be, destructive and self deprecating. Which is obviously why they choose to avoid many of those who love them the most in their life after making such a decision. In this particular case my interest is multi faceted as to what drove the behavior and the resulting reaction, but my singular biggest concern? That they know and understand only one thing. Christ ask but one thing of us as his fellow man, "Love one another as I have loved you."

I'm waiting. I only hope that in both cases these beautiful people in my life know how much I love and adore them. Unconditionally. Spread your courageous wings my future lawyer....for what is meant to be, will always come to fruition. I love you both. Hold your head high and know what pride I have in you and who you are!!