Being Grown-Up?

Are you, pop-u-lar? Recently I've just feel old, but, it has put me in that retros-
pective mode. I was not popular in high school. And being that that is all that high school is, one big pecking order contest, it was a completely miserable experience for me. Unfortunately, some of us take longer to recover from the impact.

Almost 20 years later you'd think I'd be OVER it. Well, except for the small fact that in that 20 years I have gained and lost 3 very close friends. And not because they moved or died. Plain and simple, because they didn't like me. It hurts when someone decides they don't like you. Whatever the reason. We all have a desire to be liked, to be....popular. It begins somewhere in infancy and explodes with fervor when we begin kindergarten. Public school pecking order. Lord of the Flies. The Plastics. Call it what you will. And the little bastards that are "popular" in kindergarten are the same individuals who rule the roost in high school. And the rest of us either deal with it or we don't. I didn't.

After having another friend "dump" me, I began to wonder why the hell I still cared. I'm certainly not in high school. I've got nothing in this world to prove and yet, I get that same feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realize that the reason someone I called a friend isn't returning my calls, my emails or my invites, is because, plain and simple, they don't like me. I bother them. I grate on their nerves. And I find myself going back to that time when I wished I was popular. I wished to be skinnier, prettier, perkier, smarter, richer, better.

Why torture myself? I have a plethora of wonderful, amazing friends. Some I've never met in real life,[ Ms. Brown I hope you read that ;)]. Yet, I do torture myself. What's wrong with me? Was I to pushy, to forward, to crass? And then it dawned on me, maybe there was lesson here that God is trying to thump through my thick skull and until I get it,the scenario will continue to repeat itself. Now, if God would just be so kind as to spell it out for me so that I could record said lesson and move on, I would be greatly appreciative. I'm obviously a S-L-O-W learner and I need a little clarification on this one.

To all of you out there that I call friend, thank you. You will never know how very important to me you are. And how hard I try to stay "popular" with each and every one of you. Kudos my friend, now I must find my coffee.