Did You THINK You Were Driving?
What would you call yourself in this world? Does anyone really care? And the colossal query, Why are we here? Who’s driving this car?
In a moment of rapt reflection today, I pondered such questions. (No, my head didn’t hurt, much) Funny how those little epiphany gems get us when we need them most and expect them least. Like a little tap on the shoulder from God. “Helllloooo, are you paying attention?” He whispers kindly in your ear.
It’s a little awkward to realize that, while wrapped up in one’s selfish, self absorbed, overconfident stride through life, you’ve missed a step. There’s a stair missing….And generally this doesn’t occur to us until we are hurled head long, fingers splayed in horror, as a human projectile, down the stairs we were so assertively leaping two by two. Repeatedly telling ourselves, as we thud each step with our thick head, dumb-ass, dumb-ass, dumb-ass or, in a truly verbose moment, fuck-chop, fuck-chop, fuck-chop.
We arrive at the bottom with bumps and bruises, to extricate ourselves from the block wall, peel ourselves up off the pavement, dust ourselves off, and pledge earnestly that we’ve learned our lesson! We will never be so dim-witted or senseless again. Unnnntil...the next time. We are human. Blessedly stupid to the end.
Being that I have a penchant for stupidity, one would assume that I had worked the kinks out by now. Learned that lesson. Alas, I’ve not. I’m but a pawn in God’s little game and if I don’t start putting two and two together my final check-mate will be sorely disappointing. Hold on, Sally, I’m just getting started. This could take a minute.
I, am, human. I, am, not, perfect. Have we established this? I am reduced, on occasion, or frequently (can you hear me say that with appalled reluctance through my clenched teeth?) to behaving like a prissy, Jr. High juvenile. That’s the moment, in the dark alley, when God taps me on the shoulder and says “Excuse me, Molly, I don’t think so.”
Can you hear my stunned silence, my mouth hanging agape?
“Sir?” I choke “Ma’am?”
“Here’s the mirror, Molly. Perhaps we could work on reflecting what comes into our lives without judgment or opinion, eh?”
Worse, when the specific gaffe turns into an unintentional affront at the expense of one of my children. “Oh, shit. You heard that. I didn’t mean…I uh, you see. It came out wrong. I didn’t intend to make you feel….” (I can hear the refrain in the back of my head…I always feel like, somebody’s watchin’ me…)To late! You stand, exposed to the world, like the idiot that you are. You see the hurt in their eyes, hear the spoil in their voice. Damn, it sucks when someone younger than you bests you at appropriate behavior. Sucks worse when they're smart enough to point it out. The truth hurts...
Yeah, open mouth, insert foot. The blood rushes to your feet and your extremities go numb. You become lightheaded and, in my case, you stumble for the nearest commode overtaken by nausea. All the while thinking, FUCK, I did it again!! Will I never learn? How many times does the dumb-ass fairy have to hit you over the head before you get the message? (Whack*! Selfish, Whack*! Self-centered, Whack*! Self-righteous…..GaLinda’s wand may not work (Can I get hand here?), but the dumb-ass fairy, well.
So, here we are. Reduced to a blithering idiot. God, chuckling in the wings, “So, you thought you were driving this car? I warned you the bridge was out.”
“Grrr, Ok,” I mutter indignantly under my breath, nursing my wounds, “ I deserve that. Can I apologize?”
“Mmmm, that currently isn’t up to me. Now, give me the keys.” God says, gently extending his hand “You might need a little help. And I would hate to resort to large aquatic mammals to drive home my point.”
In a moment of rapt reflection today, I pondered such questions. (No, my head didn’t hurt, much) Funny how those little epiphany gems get us when we need them most and expect them least. Like a little tap on the shoulder from God. “Helllloooo, are you paying attention?” He whispers kindly in your ear.
It’s a little awkward to realize that, while wrapped up in one’s selfish, self absorbed, overconfident stride through life, you’ve missed a step. There’s a stair missing….And generally this doesn’t occur to us until we are hurled head long, fingers splayed in horror, as a human projectile, down the stairs we were so assertively leaping two by two. Repeatedly telling ourselves, as we thud each step with our thick head, dumb-ass, dumb-ass, dumb-ass or, in a truly verbose moment, fuck-chop, fuck-chop, fuck-chop.
We arrive at the bottom with bumps and bruises, to extricate ourselves from the block wall, peel ourselves up off the pavement, dust ourselves off, and pledge earnestly that we’ve learned our lesson! We will never be so dim-witted or senseless again. Unnnntil...the next time. We are human. Blessedly stupid to the end.
Being that I have a penchant for stupidity, one would assume that I had worked the kinks out by now. Learned that lesson. Alas, I’ve not. I’m but a pawn in God’s little game and if I don’t start putting two and two together my final check-mate will be sorely disappointing. Hold on, Sally, I’m just getting started. This could take a minute.
I, am, human. I, am, not, perfect. Have we established this? I am reduced, on occasion, or frequently (can you hear me say that with appalled reluctance through my clenched teeth?) to behaving like a prissy, Jr. High juvenile. That’s the moment, in the dark alley, when God taps me on the shoulder and says “Excuse me, Molly, I don’t think so.”
Can you hear my stunned silence, my mouth hanging agape?
“Sir?” I choke “Ma’am?”
“Here’s the mirror, Molly. Perhaps we could work on reflecting what comes into our lives without judgment or opinion, eh?”
Worse, when the specific gaffe turns into an unintentional affront at the expense of one of my children. “Oh, shit. You heard that. I didn’t mean…I uh, you see. It came out wrong. I didn’t intend to make you feel….” (I can hear the refrain in the back of my head…I always feel like, somebody’s watchin’ me…)To late! You stand, exposed to the world, like the idiot that you are. You see the hurt in their eyes, hear the spoil in their voice. Damn, it sucks when someone younger than you bests you at appropriate behavior. Sucks worse when they're smart enough to point it out. The truth hurts...
Yeah, open mouth, insert foot. The blood rushes to your feet and your extremities go numb. You become lightheaded and, in my case, you stumble for the nearest commode overtaken by nausea. All the while thinking, FUCK, I did it again!! Will I never learn? How many times does the dumb-ass fairy have to hit you over the head before you get the message? (Whack*! Selfish, Whack*! Self-centered, Whack*! Self-righteous…..GaLinda’s wand may not work (Can I get hand here?), but the dumb-ass fairy, well.
So, here we are. Reduced to a blithering idiot. God, chuckling in the wings, “So, you thought you were driving this car? I warned you the bridge was out.”
“Grrr, Ok,” I mutter indignantly under my breath, nursing my wounds, “ I deserve that. Can I apologize?”
“Mmmm, that currently isn’t up to me. Now, give me the keys.” God says, gently extending his hand “You might need a little help. And I would hate to resort to large aquatic mammals to drive home my point.”
posted by Molly Sue at
12:30 AM
2 Comments:
Conversations with God tend to not be so pleasant in nature ;)
You're tellin' me. If only He could FIX the faux pas as well pointing it out. I hate learning lessons somedays.
Today, I gave up. This time, I'm licked.
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