Adolescence

If I take my hand and place it on the back of your head and force, shove or coerce you to lean forward, what is your intuitive reaction? Most likely it is to push back. And if I shove hard enough, you're likely to be less than agreeable with me. This is an action of force. If I then try to repeat this action under threat of punishment, the predictable response is a one of defiance, resistance, and most likely resentment. When this happens, one of us assumes a position of oppression and the other of power. In this case, the result is always one of loss. One cannot grow and thus we move to resignation.

I am surrounded by adults or grown-ups who are under the distinct impression that their job as a parent is an all encompassing practice of "Do as I say because I'm older and wiser" or worse, "Do for your own good, because I said so". With the tremendous about of knowledge and research that we currently have on development, behavior and the like, I find myself wondering, what in the hell are we doing as parents? Are we really that smart? Have our own lives really been so stellar and successful that we want our own children to replicate everything that we find great, good and wonderful? Are the mistakes we made really so original that we can prevent our own children from repeating our stupidity?

What are we worried about? Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, right? In today's culture and society we could probably add technology. Not to disappoint you, but, grandma was as likely as any teen today to be doing the dirty before she got married. Statistically data show that our propensity to play whoopie outside of marriage has changed almost nil, since the early 1900's.

Drugs. Not a whole lot has changed with the exception of the availability and awareness. A problem? In some cases. I think I might know a few who I would worry about in the addiction arena. But, in comparison to the number I know who engage in the "recreational" sense, well, I'm always surprised at how many will "partake" but are somehow not going beyond a little "oregano".

Rock 'n' roll? I have yet to read or see anything that would constitute correlation or cause of certain behaviors based on the media that is consumed, the music that is listen to, or the video games one plays.

I'm more flexible than most. This is why Vera is probably coaching her little Highlight about whether to even engage in conversation with me. Seriously, look at what I did to poor Blondie. Ruined for life. But, with my hope of being flexible and open, I hope that what I foster in my Offspring and in the teens that I know, is a sense of critical thinking.

Adolescents aren't stupid. And they don't need someone to tell them what to do, what they are doing wrong and why it's abhorrent or stupid. Adolescents are smart, inquisitive and for the most part, hard working. When you anticipate them to fail, let you down, or violate your trust-they will most certainly live up to your expectations. They may appreciate check lists, but they don't want or need you to direct them through the list. Back off. Hovering never worked. I know, ask those who I mistakenly hovered over. It's annoying and they don't thrive in those conditions.

I realize that there are exceptions. Duh. But, I think that they are fewer and further between that we would all like to believe. I've had my broken heart by those I had higher expectations of, It doesn't mean that I've lost faith in those who failed. We all fail. We all make mistakes. I have faith when I grow up that my heart will be mended.

This is all I have heard for the last five days. At the end of the day? I sure do wish I was as smart as all them grown-ups whose doin' the bitchin' and complainin'. They just have all the answers. Makes me wonder why they struggle with their teenagers if they's so damn smart.