I FOUND IT!!
Wait, wait....yes, yes, I did. I found it.
The most mundane of perpetual obligatory pursuits is that of laundry. Dishes and bathroom cleaning rank right up there, but they only require one step. Do it, done. Laundry requires three, do it, fold it, put it away, done. Torturous to say the least. It requires no mental skill of any sort, therefore it is one of those metal jackhammering tasks.
The only rewards of completing laundry, with the exception that your neighbor will thank his lucky stars that you emanate dryer sheet, fresh summer breeze, rather than from under cheese malodorous, is that on occasion you find that happy little green present that was misplaced in a back pocket. Good days bring five dollars, better days bring you ten, and the very best days bring you twenty! Which reduces you to a stupid dance accompanied by the Vonage commercial jingle. Wohoo, wohoohoo. Wohoo, wohoohoo!
So I was recently confronted with Mount Saint Laundry in my basement. Having completed eight weeks of condensed courses at the expense of everything else in my life and the lives of my poor family, I could not ignore the fact that everyone was out of under britches. I did what any self respecting female does, I went to the local Super Mart and stocked up clean briefs. Hey, it bought me two days.
But I digress, I found something. And I liken it to finding twenty dollars in the dryer. What could it possibly be? It's been missing for at least a year. It tends to disappear when my anxiety gets ratcheted up, so at this point, you're thinking, seriously, WTF!
I've made some friends this year at the Wave. Some, unlikely friends. I bitch, frequently, about Edith, Nancy and Nelly. Who'da thunk I'd find some allies. They've not changed one iota. I, changed my perspective. And OOOOOH, what a difference.
It all began with Nelly griping a few weeks ago when the facilities were shut down due to an unfortunate and untimely accident. Some little rug rat, shit in the pool. Nelly was unable to take the kiddies swimming on a Saturday night and she was none to happy. (Who the hell wants to swim in that 90 degree water on a 100 degree day I just don't understand) To make the shitty matter worse, the offending child happen to belong to a family that gave us just a little grief last year. Leave it to Nelly to hint conspiracy. Especially because the perpetrating party wouldn't come clean on their offense. At this point I couldn't help myself. Like I said, it's like that twenty dollar bill...I just started to laugh. Out loud. A wonderful, genuine, laugh like a gift from heaven. Nelly just looked at me for a minute with her signature eyebrow cross, and then a broad grin spread across her face. And SHE laughed.
"Well, I guess it is kind of funny."
This only made me laugh harder. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. Damn straight girl, it's fucking funny!! And it's contagious. If you've found my little post on my day filled with humiliating blunder, you know that I got in trouble. I've got magical powers. According to Vera I can change your sexual orientation. According to Chatty Cathy, I can influence your deviant behavior without ever setting foot in the Wave. I'm so good at it, I can compel adolescence to strip their clothing and go skinny dipping. Co-ed! Yeah baby!!
A two hour conversation with the Lovely Lady revealed that Chatty Cathy has expressed her disapproval of my "inappropriate" behavior around the teens that work at the wave and my endorsement of "inappropriate" behavior by teens. Even allowing them to come to my house and do "inappropriate" things.
Huh. Reeeaaaallly. Like what? Define "inappropriate". The Lovely Lady chuckled and told me that there were no examples given of "inappropriate", just information given to parents of teens who work at the Wave. It was Chatty Cathy's way of endearing herself as the "guardian" of the kids. She's going to watch out for them so the parents don't have anything to worry about. She'll protect them from evil doing, endorsing me.(customary ROLL of my eyes)
When the parent list included some dear mothers that I call friend, I stopped the conversation. The Lovely Lady told me not to worry. It was one of 1000 things on her list to address with Ms. Cathy. Gossip, is on the top of her list.
Yesterday I decided that I would park my lilly white cheeks at the Wave to study for my mid-term. Ms. Nelly and her sidekick Edith were happy to oblige me a space when one wasn't readily available, due to the immense crowd. Ms. Nelly had a story to tell me. And, she thought I would appreciate it because I am always "inappropriate". (Our new inside joke since she informed me that I'm ALWAYS inappropriate.) I sat down to listen to another of her gripes. Good enough.
She ended her story, telling me that she had approached an offending party and invited them to leave because they were not members and when swimming lessons are over, they need to vacate the pool and the deck. Not sit down and eat lunch while their kids swim and Ms. Cathy watches from the balcony. "Oh, wait, did you tell her this?" Said Edith. "Oh yeah and then....."
You'll never guess what I did....I laughed. Out loud. Hard. For everyone to hear. "If I didn't know better I'd think you two had been saving this story to share.." Nelly stopped, grinned and said "Well yeah, we knew you'd laugh." And I looked her right in the eye and said "Nelly, you have GOT to stop scaring the natives." She laughed! She laughed!!! "We'll get t-shirts," she said "Yours will say "I'm inappropriate", "And yours will say "I scare the Natives", I said.
My funny bone. I forgot that I had one. I used to make light of much of my world and the strangeness that is in it. And somehow in the last two weeks I found it. God help me dig it up and I even gave some to the world. I feel so wonderful. I can't wait to find some more. I'm headed to my little piece of heaven, I wonder what the clean shaven 16 year old at the Ace Hardware is up to? Do you think those STD tests have come in?
The most mundane of perpetual obligatory pursuits is that of laundry. Dishes and bathroom cleaning rank right up there, but they only require one step. Do it, done. Laundry requires three, do it, fold it, put it away, done. Torturous to say the least. It requires no mental skill of any sort, therefore it is one of those metal jackhammering tasks.
The only rewards of completing laundry, with the exception that your neighbor will thank his lucky stars that you emanate dryer sheet, fresh summer breeze, rather than from under cheese malodorous, is that on occasion you find that happy little green present that was misplaced in a back pocket. Good days bring five dollars, better days bring you ten, and the very best days bring you twenty! Which reduces you to a stupid dance accompanied by the Vonage commercial jingle. Wohoo, wohoohoo. Wohoo, wohoohoo!
So I was recently confronted with Mount Saint Laundry in my basement. Having completed eight weeks of condensed courses at the expense of everything else in my life and the lives of my poor family, I could not ignore the fact that everyone was out of under britches. I did what any self respecting female does, I went to the local Super Mart and stocked up clean briefs. Hey, it bought me two days.
But I digress, I found something. And I liken it to finding twenty dollars in the dryer. What could it possibly be? It's been missing for at least a year. It tends to disappear when my anxiety gets ratcheted up, so at this point, you're thinking, seriously, WTF!
I've made some friends this year at the Wave. Some, unlikely friends. I bitch, frequently, about Edith, Nancy and Nelly. Who'da thunk I'd find some allies. They've not changed one iota. I, changed my perspective. And OOOOOH, what a difference.
It all began with Nelly griping a few weeks ago when the facilities were shut down due to an unfortunate and untimely accident. Some little rug rat, shit in the pool. Nelly was unable to take the kiddies swimming on a Saturday night and she was none to happy. (Who the hell wants to swim in that 90 degree water on a 100 degree day I just don't understand) To make the shitty matter worse, the offending child happen to belong to a family that gave us just a little grief last year. Leave it to Nelly to hint conspiracy. Especially because the perpetrating party wouldn't come clean on their offense. At this point I couldn't help myself. Like I said, it's like that twenty dollar bill...I just started to laugh. Out loud. A wonderful, genuine, laugh like a gift from heaven. Nelly just looked at me for a minute with her signature eyebrow cross, and then a broad grin spread across her face. And SHE laughed.
"Well, I guess it is kind of funny."
This only made me laugh harder. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. Damn straight girl, it's fucking funny!! And it's contagious. If you've found my little post on my day filled with humiliating blunder, you know that I got in trouble. I've got magical powers. According to Vera I can change your sexual orientation. According to Chatty Cathy, I can influence your deviant behavior without ever setting foot in the Wave. I'm so good at it, I can compel adolescence to strip their clothing and go skinny dipping. Co-ed! Yeah baby!!
A two hour conversation with the Lovely Lady revealed that Chatty Cathy has expressed her disapproval of my "inappropriate" behavior around the teens that work at the wave and my endorsement of "inappropriate" behavior by teens. Even allowing them to come to my house and do "inappropriate" things.
Huh. Reeeaaaallly. Like what? Define "inappropriate". The Lovely Lady chuckled and told me that there were no examples given of "inappropriate", just information given to parents of teens who work at the Wave. It was Chatty Cathy's way of endearing herself as the "guardian" of the kids. She's going to watch out for them so the parents don't have anything to worry about. She'll protect them from evil doing, endorsing me.(customary ROLL of my eyes)
When the parent list included some dear mothers that I call friend, I stopped the conversation. The Lovely Lady told me not to worry. It was one of 1000 things on her list to address with Ms. Cathy. Gossip, is on the top of her list.
Yesterday I decided that I would park my lilly white cheeks at the Wave to study for my mid-term. Ms. Nelly and her sidekick Edith were happy to oblige me a space when one wasn't readily available, due to the immense crowd. Ms. Nelly had a story to tell me. And, she thought I would appreciate it because I am always "inappropriate". (Our new inside joke since she informed me that I'm ALWAYS inappropriate.) I sat down to listen to another of her gripes. Good enough.
She ended her story, telling me that she had approached an offending party and invited them to leave because they were not members and when swimming lessons are over, they need to vacate the pool and the deck. Not sit down and eat lunch while their kids swim and Ms. Cathy watches from the balcony. "Oh, wait, did you tell her this?" Said Edith. "Oh yeah and then....."
You'll never guess what I did....I laughed. Out loud. Hard. For everyone to hear. "If I didn't know better I'd think you two had been saving this story to share.." Nelly stopped, grinned and said "Well yeah, we knew you'd laugh." And I looked her right in the eye and said "Nelly, you have GOT to stop scaring the natives." She laughed! She laughed!!! "We'll get t-shirts," she said "Yours will say "I'm inappropriate", "And yours will say "I scare the Natives", I said.
My funny bone. I forgot that I had one. I used to make light of much of my world and the strangeness that is in it. And somehow in the last two weeks I found it. God help me dig it up and I even gave some to the world. I feel so wonderful. I can't wait to find some more. I'm headed to my little piece of heaven, I wonder what the clean shaven 16 year old at the Ace Hardware is up to? Do you think those STD tests have come in?
posted by Molly Sue at
8:00 PM
1 Comments:
That is the best thing to do in a lot of situations. I get a lot of funny looks at the kind of things I laugh at...but sometimes, you just have to laugh. And then blog it.
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