When the Lord Closes a Door....

...Somewhere he opens a window. Did you hear the tremendous whoop that erupted from my house?! Oh happy day!

I didn't move into the neighborhood without open eyes. I was not, in any respect, naive to the culture, habits and propensities of the LDS majority. I, think, I was overly optimistic. I was leaving an open, welcoming group of families with mixed ideas, religions and world views. I spent ten years with these families. I, thought, erroneously, that I would encounter the same atmosphere in our new habitat. I realized that it was not this way when I was growing up, but this is the 21st century, we have the INTERNET, it had to be different. Or, not.

I've spent the better part of the last year receiving, by way of the vine, the strange and unnerving bits of gossip that are floating around about me, the Offspring and the pseudonymous hubby. It went from creepy, to oddly charming, to inexplicably shocking, to down right uncivilized. I find myself, frequently, scratching my head and wondering...WTF!

Last week a timid, beautiful woman arrived at my door. Stylishly clad in a bold, winter white coat, skinny jeans and a turquoise print shirt, she politely apologized for interrupting and tried to quickly state her business. I had a strange inkling that this was more than serendipitous, so I enthusiastically invited her in. Glory be! She disappointedly turned down coffee and a glass of wine. Not because she doesn't drink, but instead because she didn't want to leave her husband for to long with the baby. (He's ill equipped with mammary glands to feed the little bugger)

WAIT! She drinks? She can't make it through the day without numerous cups of coffee? Her kids attend private school because....wait for it....she's turned off by the LDS neighbors and their children!

I walked her to the door. Politely bid her a good evening, promising to have she and her husband for dinner, shut the door and Swan Laked through the rotunda and deftly into the kitchen, leaping like the fool I felt, before I fell flat on my ass and was reduced to giggle fits.


Throw open your shutters, ye maids and lads. Raise your glasses to the sky, Misadventure and the pseudonymous hubby have drinking buddies in the hood.